Coping With Vegetarians

This is a short guide for omnivores who are trying to cope with having friends who are vegetarians.

First, some definitions may be helpful:

ovo-lacto vegetarian

Doesn't eat food containing meat (neither red meat nor fowl) or fish. Food containing milk or eggs, however, is acceptable.

vegetarian

Usually means ovo-lacto vegetarian, or ovo-lacto with additional dietary restrictions. Some people who eat fish but not other meat call themselves "vegetarian," but they are damned liars and just causing confusion.

vegan

Doesn't eat anything containing animal products. Also might not wear leather clothing or otherwise use animal products. Vegans are a subtype of vegetarians, and a vegan might refer to themself as "vegetarian," especially when talking with non-vegetarians.

When a vegetarian friend asks where you'd like to go for lunch, it is probably not necessary for you to always suggest Indian food. After a dozen or so incidents in a row of you claiming that you're in the mood for Indian, the vegetarian may begin to suspect that you are actually just trying to suggest places that are vegetarian-friendly, and that Indian is the only cuisine you can think of. But, in many cities, the majority of restaurants have food that is safe for veggies. The restaurants that are actively veggie-hostile can often be predicted (e.g., McDonald's, barbecue ribs joints).

When eating at a restaurant with a vegetarian who was raised omnivore or in an omnivore culture, you usually don't have to worry about offending them by ordering a non-vegetarian meal for yourself. In fact, it'd be a little awkward if you seemed to be foregoing something you wanted in an unnecessary attempt to avoid offending them.

The majority of vegetarians won't openly advocate "vegetarianism" nor think less of anyone who doesn't happen to be vegetarian, and certainly they won't try to convert you to the Vegetarian Agenda Conspiracy while you're trying to enjoy lunch. What's funny, though, is when someone mentions they're vegetarian (often to avoid creating an awkward situation later, such as being invited to a dinner party with no veggie-safe food), and this triggers some others in the group to go on for ten or more minutes about why vegetarians are undernourished fascists, always proselytizing, and how "if God wanted me to be vegetarian, he wouldn't have made animals out of meat!" Yes, it's a funny joke.

A person might be vegetarian due to reasons of religion, ethical concerns, upbringing, perceived health benefits, medical issues, squeamishness, because their partner is vegetarian, or some combination of those and other reasons. They may not be anxious to discuss their reasons.

If you have a vegetarian housemate, and you tempt them often by frying really good-smelling bacon in the morning, then you will surely burn in hell.

Of course vegetarian men are only in it for the women.